Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
