i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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