capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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