as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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