Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
