I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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