Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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