I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
