oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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