you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
