Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
