I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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