You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
