"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
