He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
