You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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