there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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