all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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