My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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