I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
