you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
