I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We have so much sex to catch up on
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
True strength comes from lack of pants
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
