I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"