a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.