hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.