all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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