Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?