life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
