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• (330): View more from Ohio

  She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (219): View more from Indiana

  I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.

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• (914): View more from New York

  They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (407): View more from Florida

  While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I stand by it.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.

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• (607): View more from New York

  He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.

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• (585): View more from New York

  And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?

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