I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
