it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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