wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
