Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
