...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
