Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
