We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
