I accidentally burped into my bong.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
