he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
