he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
