it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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