Sponge bath it is.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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