The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
