She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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