she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
