you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
