life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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