Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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