you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
