so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
