Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
