true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
