im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
