Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
