His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
