How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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