So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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