Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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