i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
