Can i not drive my cunt home
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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