girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
