Sponge bath it is.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
