just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
