I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
