thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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