I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I want to fling myself into the sun
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize