Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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