he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
