When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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