Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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