I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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