I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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