When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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